Fearful of the Future
So my Dad confronted me about growing up and doing something with my life. He said how much I am basically "sponging" off my parents ever since I stopped working, and he's right. Thing is, I really fucking hate people, having a job requires you to deal with bull shit from your employees and customers. My last job, I threatened to beat the shit out of an employee and so I was fired. I really don't want to go back to work, but at some point I fear that I have to. I want to make my YouTube Channel a business so I don't have to go back to what I hate.
My channel has a good subscriber count, but now I just need a good majority to actually give a shit to donate to me. And before you say "it does not happen in week dude", Shut the fuck up I know that. If you have run a channel as long as I have, you would know that, I already know that and know a lot more than you think. Sadly my demographic is all fucking millennials, teenagers who just see as "a video" and "nothing I would donate to." I have to make this work, other wise, it's back to the work life for me. Me risking getting angry again, to the point where I will hurt someone and end up in jail for it.
I really don't want to go back to a 5-9 hour job, I don't have the tolerance for it anymore. Not a day goes by where I wish I could hurt or maim the people that piss me off. Not a single second of my life goes by, where I am afraid, that some day my parents are going to die and I am left with nothing. Not a second in my life passes, where I hope to god that my channel does become a business. At this point however, I have to assume the rest, I have to do something, or I will end up homeless somewhere. Now, I feel like my YouTube Channel is not worth it anymore, BUT I REALLY FUCKING WANT IT TO BE!
I want my channel to be my source of income, so I can do what I love. But it will be for not, if no one gives a shit about it.